It's Really Okay to Love Yourself First - Here's How

Yes, It’s Really Okay to Love Yourself First, and Here's How

Learning how to love yourself first, before anyone else, takes effort—but I’m here to tell you, it’s okay. In fact, it’s essential! Make it a habit. Take time to remind yourself how wonderful you are—yes, you. Even if it feels awkward, look in the mirror (and I know this can be challenging for some), but do it anyway. Give yourself the love you deserve. Prioritize loving yourself unapologetically and consistently, because this simple act lays the foundation for genuine self-improvement, confidence, meaningful personal growth, and a more fulfilling life.

Begin your self-care healing practice today— it's never too late. Loving yourself first is a practice that builds self-esteem and reflects the value you place on yourself. Invest time in your own needs, appreciating the amazing person you are today and who you are becoming. This is a must before extending your love and time to others.

Caring for yourself and valuing your needs will translate into a more confident, happier, and healthier you. Often, women prioritize everything and everyone else first—their kids, work, household responsibilities—before themselves. Though it's essential to be a bit selfish, in a positive way, to love yourself first and recognize your own importance so you can then give yourself to others after your own cup is full.

“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary.” Mandy Hale

When was the last time you put yourself first—without guilt, without explanation, and without waiting for permission?

I'm talking about the things we don't make time for, the things we don't do because we convince ourselves into thinking we are not deserving. I'm referring to the things we need for ourselves, by ourselves, and take pleasure in without seeking approval from others.

It's Okay to Be Selfish and Love Yourself First

We’ve all heard the term “selfish” tossed around, often with a negative spin. But what if embracing self-love and putting ourselves first isn’t selfish at all? Let’s dive into this together.

Understanding ‘Selfish’ vs. ‘Self-Love’

Unfortunately, the term “selfish” has developed a negative connotation as being self-centered – grossly interested in oneself and activities. It's about prioritizing yourself, lacking consideration for others.

On the flip side, “self-love” is about recognizing your own worth and taking care of your own needs, enables you to be more present and supportive for those around you. Loving yourself first is a true act of self-worth.

Understanding this distinction allows you to embrace the journey to loving yourself first without guilt or societal judgment. By valuing your own needs and well-being, you enrich your life and the lives of those around you. So go ahead, take that time for yourself—you deserve it.

Finding Balance

Loving yourself first isn’t about shutting others out, it’s about finding a healthy balance. When you acknowledge your own needs and set boundaries, you create space to be more authentic and present with others. It’s like putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others—you have to be okay to help those you care about. It's about finding a harmonious equilibrium between self-fulfillment and considering the well-being of those around you.

Recognize that it’s truly okay to love yourself first; this act isn’t inherently selfish but a vital step toward practicing self-care, self-advocacy, and self-awareness. By loving yourself first, you empower yourself to give to others genuinely and freely, without resentment.

Learning how to love yourself begins within. Make it a priority to spend quality time alone, indulging in personal pleasures that require no approval from others. Dedicate time each day to loving yourself first, satisfying your soul in a lovingly, self-centered way that does not harm others. Weekends or holidays alone can be especially nourishing for reconnecting with yourself.

Time for yourself is just one way to love yourself first

When You Love Yourself It Signals to Your Brain that You Are Deserving of Love and Happiness

Loving yourself can create positive neural and psychological effects. When you practice self-love, your brain recognizes and reinforces the belief that you are worthy of good things, including love and happiness. This can lead to healthier self-esteem, emotional well-being, and a more positive outlook on life.

So often, we live with the belief that we don't deserve to be as happy as someone else or entitled to the things that we know will bring us joy. This limiting belief is all in your head! Your thoughts are merely your own subconscious beliefs, handed down to you and programmed in your mind, most likely during childhood.

To break free from this self-imposed limitation, know that you can rewire your brain. When you learn to silence your inner critic, and embrace the power of loving yourself first, you begin to prioritize your own happiness and pursue the things that bring you joy.

Research supports that engaging in self-love activities—such as self-compassion and mindfulness—can rewire the brain to promote positive emotions and reduce negative ones. Loving yourself is your superpower, positively impacting your emotional regulation, building resiliency and self-worth.

You deserve all the happiness and fulfillment that life has to offer. So, let go of the guilt and allow yourself to experience the true joy of self-acceptance and simply love yourself first.

You are already inherently WORTHY!

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Shift Your Mindset to Love Yourself First

We’ve all heard phrases like “no one can make you happy but yourself” or “you are the creator of your own happiness,” which highlight the importance of self-reliance. While social media promotes the idea of loving yourself first, it often fuels a culture of seeking instant validation and digital narcissism. However, there’s a growing cultural shift towards embracing self-love in a meaningful way. Prioritizing yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential for navigating life’s challenges, building resilience, and nurturing authentic, mindful relationships. Loving yourself first lays the foundation for a healthier, more balanced life.

Whether it’s taking a solo spa day, trying a new dance class, reading that book you’ve always meant to finish, taking a midday nap, or embarking on an exhilarating new adventure, make sure to carve out time for these activities to find your inner peace. Mark them on your Google calendar as commitments to loving yourself first.

Why? Because you deserve it!

To Love Yourself First Means: Having Patience, Forgiveness and Self-Compassion

To truly embrace the concept of loving yourself first, it’s important to cultivate patience and forgiveness toward yourself.”

Begin by silencing that nagging voice in your head that often leads to self-sabotage. It takes practice and effort to forgive your mistakes. Be patient with yourself and understand one thing: what you are feeling, we all feel at one time or another. The trick is not to dwell in these negative feelings of self-doubt and unworthiness.

Prioritizing your happiness by loving yourself first involves honoring your needs, values, and well-being over seeking others’ approval, especially during tough times. Remember, you have the right to say no without feeling guilty. Your time and energy are valuable. And by establishing and maintaining boundaries, you not only protect your well-being but it teach others how to treat you in return.

"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”  Brené Brown

Loving Yourself First by Embracing Self-Validation

Loving yourself first involves moving beyond seeking external approval from friends, family, or colleagues before pursuing your own path. While external validation can offer temporary affirmation, it shouldn’t overshadow the importance of self-validation. Research by Cialdini and Goldstein highlights how social validation influences decision-making and reinforces commitment to goals.

As social beings, we naturally desire belonging and fear rejection, making us susceptible to valuing others’ opinions. However, overemphasizing external approval can hinder our motivation to fully embrace our authentic selves.

Navigating social dynamics on the path to loving yourself first, involves recognizing when external validation supports our journey without compromising your core values and happiness. Emphasizing internal validation—such as self-compassion, authenticity, and honoring personal boundaries—aligns with neuroscientific research that highlights how self-approval activates rewarding brain pathways, similar to external rewards like food and money.

In essence, while seeking approval is natural, to love yourself first means to find a balanced approach. Loving yourself means valuing your intrinsic worth and making decisions aligned with your authentic self, even amidst societal pressures.

Here Are a Few Examples of How to Love Yourself First:

1. Taking a quiet afternoon to read a book you've been interested in, without worrying about being productive.

2. Enjoying a leisurely walk in the park, listening to your favorite music or podcast, instead of rushing to complete errands.

3. Indulging in a hobby like painting or writing, simply for the joy it brings, without the pressure of others' opinions.

4. Planning a solo trip to a place you've always wanted to visit, embracing the adventure for yourself.

5. Spending an evening pampering yourself with a long bath and self-care routine, disconnecting from the demands of daily life.

Give Yourself Permission to Love Yourself Unapologetically

When I was a teenager, a framed plaque hung in our home that read, “Happy wife, happy life.” Perhaps you’re familiar with this phrase. It was clear my mother intended to convey this not-so-subtle message to my father, suggesting a husband should prioritize his wives’ happiness.

Back in 1989, I held the assumption that this was my father's role. But 35 years later, I see things differently. While the sentiment is sweet, the reality is clear—happiness starts with us. Loving yourself first means taking responsibility for your own joy rather than expecting someone else to provide it.

Consider this: How can you offer support and care for your family when you are physically and emotionally depleted? The truth is, you can’t sustainably give from an unhealthy state. Trying to do so will inevitably lead to unraveling and falling apart. It’s a gradual process of suffering. If we neglect our own well-being, we are unable to meet our own needs.

As a mother, I have personally experienced not loving myself first, and the toll of running on empty, striving to meet the needs of my children. There was a point where it seemed like life was on the verge of falling apart, and then I asked myself, “What good am I to my children if I’m shattered into a million pieces?”

I couldn’t pinpoint the exact source of this realization, but it became clear to me that I wouldn’t be of any use to anyone (myself included) if I didn't give myself the attention I needed. I then made a conscious decision to shift my mindset and made changes to my life. It was the start of a phenomenal transformative self-growth journey.

Being There for Others Starts with Loving Yourself First

Prioritizing my wants and needs and nurturing myself ensures I have the energy and well-being to be fully present and supportive for my family. It’s about creating a healthy balance where both my needs and theirs can coexist harmoniously. This doesn’t mean my needs always come first—far from it. It means understanding that our needs ebb and flow, and by addressing mine when necessary, I’m better equipped to support theirs.

Don't you want to set a positive example for your children, family or loved ones? Of course, you do. They already look up to you. So, it's important to be a role model you can be proud of. By showing them that you love yourself first, you are also an example of how you can be strong and embrace your weaknesses to gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

So I check in with myself and ask myself what I need. And let me tell you, that reflective exercise has been the biggest form of self-love I've incorporated into my self-growth journey.

Loving Yourself First Starts From Within

Finding that inner lover is possible and closer to finding her than you think – it's found within. It is available to us all, but many of us have a difficult time discovering it. The good thing is, maybe you just need a little help peeling back the layers to uncover that untapped love. And I will help you discover that it is really okay to love yourself first.

My 1:1 coaching program, Awaken The True You will help you do just that.

Just as you invest in your children, it's important to invest in yourself – perhaps with myself, a woman life coach to guide you on your journey to becoming your most authentic and worthy self – the ultimate path to loving yourself first. A life coach can help you transform your personal development, help you to set goals that align with your utmost potential, and challenge you to grow beyond your current self-imposed boundaries. Be a role model by demonstrating the value of self-discovery by loving yourself first.

If you are struggling with unworthiness or finding it difficult to create the self-love you so desperately desire, then I invite you to consider opening up your heart and mind to letting a Vanessa Marie Life Coach guide you to discover how. A free discovery call can help you decide if coaching feels right so we can explore how loving yourself first can truly gift you the life you are longing to experience.

Are you ready to shift your mindset for lasting change?  Check out my free life coaching masterclass for powerful techniques and actionable steps that lead to meaningful results.